If you’re reading this, then the answer is probably yes. Maybe you have been wondering about speaking to a therapist for a while now, or perhaps it’s the time of year. The festive season can stir up complex feelings around family relationships, money, diet, work-life balance and stress – important areas that can be addressed in therapy.
If you’re curious, but undecided, here is my shot at answering some of the doubts, worries or concerns that can crop up around going to therapy. I plan to revisit this topic in future blog posts, too.
Do I have to be in crisis to come to therapy?
No.
We might imagine that we only ‘qualify’ for therapy if something traumatic has happened – a loss, illness, or relationship breakdown – and want support. But people also come because they are feeling low, ‘not right’, distracted or anxious. They may feel stuck, or plagued by a whirring mind, or aware of repeating patterns that make life harder.
Most emotional troubles come from things that have not been properly looked at, and can lead us to a spot where we say ‘I don’t understand myself. I don’t understand why I said that, or why I’m still having an argument in my head with someone who died six years ago, or why I keep letting that person take advantage or me.’ These are all very good reasons to come to therapy.
Is therapy a quick fix?
No, but…
You probably wouldn’t expect to heal a broken leg or recover from a serious illness in a few short weeks. Same goes for healing your emotional self. We are our own blind spots, and a lot of our thinking, feeling and behaviour is automatic, familiar and repeated. It takes time to bring it into conscious awareness, scrutinise it and work out whether it still serves us. In addition, building a trusting relationship with your therapist and telling your story can take some weeks. Be reassured, though, that you may feel better, lighter and calmer in just a handful of sessions. Simply being listened to in a more attuned way than normal conversation allows can bring deep relief.
But, it is up to you how you work. Some people come for a few months, take a pause, and then come back again later down the line. Or, you may wish to focus on symptom control initially – for instance, getting on top of symptoms of anxiety so you feel more socially functional. A deeper exploration would look at where that anxiety stems from, and that might happen later. We can contract as we go along for what feels safe.
Will I feel silly opening up to a stranger?
I hope not.
Generally people don’t. Quite the opposite. They find it a relief, even a delight to be actively listened to for 50 minutes. If you do feel silly, self-conscious or awkward, you can share that with me and we can look at how to overcome this. And if we are simply not a fit, I can help you find a therapist who suits you better.
Am I too old for therapy?
No.
People come at any age. It’s never too late to be curious about yourself, and ambitious for a greater contentment. Older individuals may have been raised in a culture where speaking about feelings was frowned on, or simply not done, so it can feel awkward or unfamiliar to do this. It may even feel difficult to find words or identify feelings, but through sensitive work together, we can uncover and explore what's going on for you, and what might be behind some of your beliefs about yourself that are holding you back or causing pain, so that you can begin to live life more fully.
Will you want to talk about my childhood?
Yes, but...
You might not feel your childhood has any relevance to your life now, but it does. That can be hard to swallow as a fully-fledged adult, but the child we were lives in us forever and unless that child is OK, it’s going to be harder for us as adults to be content, well, kind, creative and loving.
So much of who we are was formed without our awareness when we were very young. Who to trust, when to be angry or scared, who to be vulnerable with, how to succeed and fail, where to hope – we absorb all this like a sponge from our parents, family, school, culture, religion. Being able to find the logic of present behaviour in the past, examine it and loosen its influence is the work of therapy.
Be reassured that we don’t have to dive straight in. We go at your pace and I am guided by you. But chances are your childhood will come up – and it needs to. Besides, if you feel really against the idea of exploring your childhood, that might be a strong indication that it is precisely where the work lies.
Do I have to come weekly?
No, but…
From my perspective as a therapist, weekly is best. It allows the therapeutic relationship to develop and keeps up the momentum of the work. You are signalling to yourself that this is important, too. You are making a commitment to yourself and the therapist.
Some of my clients come fortnightly, but I always suggest we have five or six sessions initially, on a weekly basis, to build our bond and dig into the work. The risk with fortnightly sessions is that they become a catch-up. In addition, you may unconsciously not commit to the work as wholeheartedly as with weekly sessions, subtly sabotaging the potential for success.
If you're interested in starting therapy, I offer a free 20-minute initial consultation over the phone or online. Please email me and we can set something up.
Comments